In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize