I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
