New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
