Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
