No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
