You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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