So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
