So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
