Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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