Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize