Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
