It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
im on a boat
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