he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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