butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
