I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
