It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
