if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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