my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
