I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
