True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
