**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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