I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
did i just pee glitter
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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