she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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