11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I didn't notice because vodka
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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