So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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