Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
