ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
