I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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