If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
