I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
