And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
