Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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