im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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