dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
