Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
