it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
