Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
