so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
