i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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