Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
