I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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