So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
