you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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