I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
