I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize