I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
