somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Who died my cat blue again?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize