Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
