your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
