i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize