dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
