Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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