I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
