Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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