Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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