He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Holy sore nipples Batman
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
