Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
