TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
