Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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