i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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