I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
