y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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