I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
