and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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