You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
