My hand turned me down
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She announced her abortion via fbk
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
