We're facebook friends in real life
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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