I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
