saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
