you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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