just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
