PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You smell like stripper and shame
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
