I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
