Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
