I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
