Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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